I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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