Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
