I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
