It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
