Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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