He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
