a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
