why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
