some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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