DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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