he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want nice things and good sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
