did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
