Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
