Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
