i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
