This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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