We won't sleep together?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
