Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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