ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
