you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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