i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize