i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize