imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
