i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
