Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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