So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just blew my weed a kiss
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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