it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
