dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
