PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
