Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize