just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
