I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
