It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize