Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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