How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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