Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
