Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
