Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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