I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize