i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
