soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
