Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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