Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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