He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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