i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
