i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
