how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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