I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
