when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
