I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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