8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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