Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have already put on my inside pants.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
