i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
