You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
