# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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