Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
