I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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