weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
