i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
