He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
