Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
