Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
