did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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