Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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