It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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