I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
