did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
