So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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