she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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