Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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